I have been in a reflective learning state for quite a while now. It’s a peaceful state in a safe space with talking trees and a sky of stars. Meditative meanderings wake me up with the dark mornings and the quiet lives here. I write and I work. I use my hands and I follow my heart. I muse and cry about the fact that it took me almost forty years to get here. Change takes its time. A spring of deprogramming, lessons in loving, healing and forgiving has sprung, it just took forty years and a sacrifice.
Sacrificial offerings are the currency of the Gods. They are the sacred seeds we need to grow. Our nature desires balance: As above so below. In order to gain something we have to be willing to let something else go. That’s how we grow. In my case, I chose the ego.
After years of personal and occupational failures, shame games, and traumatic fear-based behaviors I made a resolution to change. I called on my shadow and curled up in the cave. I went through every embarrassment, abandonment, and false claim. In the end I came out with a sense of discernment and a healing purpose. Truth doesn’t tinker with forgetting or regret. It thrives rather, in the realm of remembering and forgiveness. My time in the cave revealed my truth. I remembered myself in that dark and came out old-new. I woke up. I had so much to do.
I scribble doodled a map of to-do’s:
My checklist of a path spilled on the page revealed itself and the directions were clear. So I designed a ritual and I started to read. I had to let go of my ego to be. I sacrificed my ego on the Hunter’s Full Moon with a black string and some scissors, like any good Stitchteller would do. I released it. In turn, I got something old and I got something new.
I remembered some things about who I am and what I am meant to be. I also began to receive. Words, directives, and signs synchronized with my dreams and continue to be a blessing to me. I have a path to walk down now that looks nothing like my imagined self. It is marked with intention and focused on health. It is a starlit understanding from the ground up. I am grateful to know the self is truly capable of restoration and love.
I have some new-old tools, remedies and rituals to share. In the meantime, thank you for your readership.
The world is a magical place. I’m glad you are here.